Second week, and I've been feeling a bit burnt out. not physically but mentally and emotionally.
We've had five in-patients in the clinic. One post TIA/CVA a year ago presenting with worsening symptoms of left sided hemipeligia, difficulty swallowing, and dysarthria for one week and very malnourished- probably another TIA/CVA past the window of tPA treatment .. presenting with probably an ischemic as opposed to hemorrhagic - here for blood pressure control,physical therapy to lessen side effects and nutrition. Second patient, Tuberculosis, parapeligic patient after falling off the roof of his house also malnourished - here for physical therapy and nutrition. Third patient, post 40% fourth degree burn to upper extremity with right arm contracture and malnourished - here for wound care, physical therapy, and nutrition. Fourth patient, 60% fourth degree burn to lower extremity with bilateral leg contractures - here for wound care, physical therapy, and nutrition. Fifth patients, 8 yo female unable to move bilateral legs for 2 weeks r/o polio.
At the HIV children orphanage, brother sister sibling is now in our care after their father passed away two weeks ago from hiv and mother, also hiv, thought they would get better care at Root Institute. During the history and physical intake, the older brother could not stop moving around and talking.. very uneasy.. while the younger sister sat there quite just holding her mother's hands. then when dr. sanjay was examining her abdomen, she bursted into laughter followed my her brother's laughter...
On the fun side, I got a palm reading done by a friend's brother-in-law. some highlights:
palm reading:
I am a creative and artsy person.
I'm always worried about something.. I think too much..
I will not get married and will not take relationship serious because...
I love my self too much and love being free hence ...
I will travel alot
I am extra ordinary (my favorite one)
I will worry about health but...
I will not worry about wealth
I will not be able to return to his house again.. he knows too much...
In the monastery, we lit 3000 candle offerings for Lama Zopa Rinpoche's last night (so we thought). The whole monastery was lit so beautifully. Apparently, he's known for being spontaneous and it's been his "last night" at Root Institute for a week now. We again, got confirmation today that he will not be leaving tomorrow either. I've been feeling like a groupie here following the Lama Zopa around everywhere.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
same same but different
I have been hearing and observing some horrible things about the Director of Root Institute. I won't go into detail here but she's very racist and disrespectful mostly to the Indian staff and long-term volunteers here. For example, she tells the Indian staff not to mingle and get too close to the foreigners. My interactions with her has not been so pleasant either.
Having said this, I'm trying to take on a different approach to dealing with people like this. Make my role very clear in Root Institute and also between her and I. Invest very little time with her. If my role is threatened in any way, look at what that situation is at the moment and decide if I should compromise or not depending on if that decision will empower me or not. Before, I am certain I would have gotten into many arguments with her about this and that not to mention all the negative emotional investment. But if there's one thing I've learned in a week is I can't change India. I can't change anyone's views, values, way of life. No.. actually it's who am I to change anything or anyone. This is not to say, I've lost my voice in fighting for what I believe in but taking a different approach. I guess thinking "fighting" for what I believe was exactly the problem.
Sheevan, another nurse volunteer at Root Institute and I was invited over to Ramanand's house tonight for dinner. Ramanand, a health educator is 20 years old that lives with his five siblings, nephew, and parents. As soon as we walked in, we were greeted with their cow that lives in the house with them. Indians treat their cows like how we would treat our dogs, as pets. They name their cows, feed them, wash them, and talk about them for hours. It's quite cute. And of course, like an idiot, I tried to pet the cow and it pushed me away with its head with some force and I screamed. Don't know why I thought the cow wouldn't know the difference between it's owner's touch and mine.
Before dinner we had coffee (the best coffee I've had since the weasel poop coffee.. thanks Cho) and Ramanand and his friend wanted to take pictures of us (been feeling like a celebrity here in India.. =) His friend said, we are the same level so let's take a picture at the same time. First I thought he was talking about height or appearance (coincidentally they were wearing the same shirt that day) but after much discussion, he was talking about social class. Then we proceeded to make jokes about our same plates, cups, and food but also joked about how we are also different in many ways, (Sheevan- tall white female born in Africa now lives in DC, loves good times with good company, me - short asian american from New York, loves good times with good company, Ramanand - Indian male born and raised in Bodh gaya, loves good times with good company: Then Ramanand made a joke, we are "same same but different"
Having said this, I'm trying to take on a different approach to dealing with people like this. Make my role very clear in Root Institute and also between her and I. Invest very little time with her. If my role is threatened in any way, look at what that situation is at the moment and decide if I should compromise or not depending on if that decision will empower me or not. Before, I am certain I would have gotten into many arguments with her about this and that not to mention all the negative emotional investment. But if there's one thing I've learned in a week is I can't change India. I can't change anyone's views, values, way of life. No.. actually it's who am I to change anything or anyone. This is not to say, I've lost my voice in fighting for what I believe in but taking a different approach. I guess thinking "fighting" for what I believe was exactly the problem.
Sheevan, another nurse volunteer at Root Institute and I was invited over to Ramanand's house tonight for dinner. Ramanand, a health educator is 20 years old that lives with his five siblings, nephew, and parents. As soon as we walked in, we were greeted with their cow that lives in the house with them. Indians treat their cows like how we would treat our dogs, as pets. They name their cows, feed them, wash them, and talk about them for hours. It's quite cute. And of course, like an idiot, I tried to pet the cow and it pushed me away with its head with some force and I screamed. Don't know why I thought the cow wouldn't know the difference between it's owner's touch and mine.
Before dinner we had coffee (the best coffee I've had since the weasel poop coffee.. thanks Cho) and Ramanand and his friend wanted to take pictures of us (been feeling like a celebrity here in India.. =) His friend said, we are the same level so let's take a picture at the same time. First I thought he was talking about height or appearance (coincidentally they were wearing the same shirt that day) but after much discussion, he was talking about social class. Then we proceeded to make jokes about our same plates, cups, and food but also joked about how we are also different in many ways, (Sheevan- tall white female born in Africa now lives in DC, loves good times with good company, me - short asian american from New York, loves good times with good company, Ramanand - Indian male born and raised in Bodh gaya, loves good times with good company: Then Ramanand made a joke, we are "same same but different"
Thursday, January 19, 2012
compassion prayer
I can't believe it's only been five days since I arrived to India. It seems like it's been forever. So much has happened I don't think I can remember everything. I feel like my world has separated into two parts. The one I have with the clinic then another one with the Tibetan Buddhist monastery. So I will have to talk about the two separately .. at least for now. I don't think I can survive otherwise right now. I keep thinking if this monastery thing is getting a bit too much to handle then at least I have the clinic to get me through the six months because right now living in this monastery where lama zopa rinpoche, one of the most famous rinpoche and very good friends with the Dalai Lama is residing and where almost everyone's been studying and practicing tibetan buddhisim for at least 20 years is a bit too much. I feel like they're speaking a foreign language and labeling everything as "karma".... and apparantly I have a great karma because I am in the mecca of Tibetan Buddhism and I am at the right location at the right time. I honestly can't even write about this right now because I feel so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. However all in all, I am meeting great people and had some really bizarre encounters with Lama Zopa Rinpoche and Lama Dagri.
So I am very impressed with the clinic. It has a bigger homeopathetic medicine supply than western medicine supply. Mostly because homeopathetic medicine is cheaper than western medicine. And I was most impressed with Dr. Sanjay story of how be opened the clinic and he's vision for the clinic. You can definitely tell that this clinic is his pride and joy. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought this clinic is more his child than his six yr old daughter. I believe that I'm not getting the full picture because he seems to idealize the clinic a bit too much because of the emotional attachment he has to it. But none the less, he is doing great things. I will start with the clinic. There's four days of general medicine, one day of HIV patients, one day for Children's, and one day for women's health. Then there's the Tara Children's Project, an orphange of about 11 HIV children. We make sure the children are taking all their ART medication, eating nutritious food, school tutor, psychology evaluation everyday, daily weights, etc.. Then there's a mobile clinic. A team of nurses go out to the village to treat and teach villagers. There's a physiotherapy room, a health educator team. An ambulance for house calls and consultation and to take critical cases to the main hospital. tThe patients are mostly farmers, coming in with knee, back, shoulder, and arm pain due to physical labor. There are also uncontrolled diabetes, hypertension, malaria, TB, HIV. The children come in with flu, skin issues ie. scabies,cerebral palsy, UTI, and MALNUTRITION!!! I decided that the first two weeks will be orientation. I will sit and observe each department for at least an hour before I start my projects. My day starts from 9 AM but I've been going in early to socialize and help set up. I was able to memorize everyone's name after the first day. Everyone loved that! We start the day by gathering in front of the clinic to offer a lil prayer of compassion. Then I've been observing at least two departments everyday for at least an hour sometimes doing emergency calls, like going to Lama Zopa Rinpoche's room and taking his temperature and giving him health advice. I finish the day with talking with the Dr. Sanjay about what I observed, spirituality, our goals, and etc.. we often run of time. I have a few projects in mind that I would like to get started right away but I'm really glad that I've decided to take two weeks for orientation. I'm also glad I now have wireless internet connection in my room!
So I am very impressed with the clinic. It has a bigger homeopathetic medicine supply than western medicine supply. Mostly because homeopathetic medicine is cheaper than western medicine. And I was most impressed with Dr. Sanjay story of how be opened the clinic and he's vision for the clinic. You can definitely tell that this clinic is his pride and joy. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought this clinic is more his child than his six yr old daughter. I believe that I'm not getting the full picture because he seems to idealize the clinic a bit too much because of the emotional attachment he has to it. But none the less, he is doing great things. I will start with the clinic. There's four days of general medicine, one day of HIV patients, one day for Children's, and one day for women's health. Then there's the Tara Children's Project, an orphange of about 11 HIV children. We make sure the children are taking all their ART medication, eating nutritious food, school tutor, psychology evaluation everyday, daily weights, etc.. Then there's a mobile clinic. A team of nurses go out to the village to treat and teach villagers. There's a physiotherapy room, a health educator team. An ambulance for house calls and consultation and to take critical cases to the main hospital. tThe patients are mostly farmers, coming in with knee, back, shoulder, and arm pain due to physical labor. There are also uncontrolled diabetes, hypertension, malaria, TB, HIV. The children come in with flu, skin issues ie. scabies,cerebral palsy, UTI, and MALNUTRITION!!! I decided that the first two weeks will be orientation. I will sit and observe each department for at least an hour before I start my projects. My day starts from 9 AM but I've been going in early to socialize and help set up. I was able to memorize everyone's name after the first day. Everyone loved that! We start the day by gathering in front of the clinic to offer a lil prayer of compassion. Then I've been observing at least two departments everyday for at least an hour sometimes doing emergency calls, like going to Lama Zopa Rinpoche's room and taking his temperature and giving him health advice. I finish the day with talking with the Dr. Sanjay about what I observed, spirituality, our goals, and etc.. we often run of time. I have a few projects in mind that I would like to get started right away but I'm really glad that I've decided to take two weeks for orientation. I'm also glad I now have wireless internet connection in my room!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Strike
What a day. I am exhausted and it's only 9:35 pm here in new delhi. So after flying seven hours from newark to london then another seven hours from london to delhi I never made it to Bihar today because Air India's pilots were on strike so no flights were flying out of Delhi. There were about one hundred people crowding on top of each other either to see the status of their flights or trying to get their refund. There was security guards everywhere and about everyone screaming at the top of their lungs. I tried to squeeze in with with my 40lbs. bag but got to speak with no one. So after two hours of trying to get my refund and realizing this isn't going anywhere I resorted to buying another ticket from another airline, Jet Airways. Then, another two hours was wasted by trying to figure out if I should stay in the airport or treat myself and stay at a hotel. So I thought I would ponder this decision while having a ice cold coffee but instead got a hot cappuccino since I didn't want to take the chance of getting sick from the ice cubes. I decided to stay at a hotel closest to the airport and then go to the Lotus Temple. I checked in to Hotel Era then took a cab to the Lotus Temple because I only had about an hour to check it out and that's the only thing I wanted to do at this point: be mesmerized by the beautiful temple that looks like the lotus flower and meditate. And that's exactly what I did. The lotus temple was breath-taking and it was the perfect time to go because the sun started settling. It also felt really good to walk barefoot around the outside and inside of the temple. The time I spent meditating in the temple was much needed. I focused on channeling positive, protective, and strong influential energy in me and around me to help me get through not only today but also for the rest of trip. Then the cab driver took me to a fabric store and I immediately said no thank you knowing that he was trying to get me to buy something. Then, the driver decided to take me to humayun's tomb, a perfect example of the early Mughal architecture. It was built in the mid-16th century by Haji Begum, the Persian-born senior wife of the second Mughal emperor Humayun. It's two-tone combination of red sandstone and white marble was suppose to show the complementary merging of the cultures but it was hard to see because it was already dark outside when I went. But it was beautiful nonthe less with night yellow lighting that focused certain part of the tomb. I've been spending a lot of time here bargaining and making sure i'm not getting ripped off. I don't know how long I could continue this because it's too tiring. I am too tired to even eat at this point and want to just go to sleep. I will have to wake up early to go to the airport and see if they have a flight going to gaya. Hopefully the strike is over but won't mind another day of strike. At least, the pilots are gathering to fight for higher wages. Air India is a governement operated airline and there are many strikes due to low wages. I wouldn't want to work for nothing either.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
retainers
Here I come India! The day has finally come .. the day I leave to go to India for six months to volunteer as a nurse at Root Institute then travel around India then embark on my backpacking trip throughout SouthEast Asia with a stop over in Korea. The last six months has definitely been the most liberating and the most painful years. But all in all, I feel that everything happened to get me to this point of self discovery and self love. I think during my twenties, the main value I wanted to work on was gaining independence and finding my space and have everyone respect that space. As I'm approaching my thirties those same values do not work. I think that during thirties I will find the value of self love. The last month, I have truly started to feel again, that I am an awesome person and that I can do whatever I want to do. As affirmation that only came from regaining my confidence but also from the abundance of love my friends and family have shown me this past month. I so excited for all of the changes i will be making not only within myself but also to root institute. I will work hard to be happy in this lifetime.
The journey is looking exciting already. On my second plane from london to new delhi, i wrapped my braces in one of the napkin and left in on the food tray. i realized after the flight attendant took my tray away that my retainers were still there. As she was looking through the piles of garbage for my nasty retainers. I got a lil upset when she told me that I should be careful next time and put it in a safe place. no shit.. and of course I didn't want her to go thorugh all that trouble because of my silly mistake and asked that I look for it. I asked that she call me when I could go to the back of the plane and start looking through the garbage myself. I feel good that I didn't lose my braces and that I didn't blow up at her like I would've. I was very tired and cranky from all the traveling and of course I wouldn't want to go through garbage to look for someone's nasty retainers.
The journey is looking exciting already. On my second plane from london to new delhi, i wrapped my braces in one of the napkin and left in on the food tray. i realized after the flight attendant took my tray away that my retainers were still there. As she was looking through the piles of garbage for my nasty retainers. I got a lil upset when she told me that I should be careful next time and put it in a safe place. no shit.. and of course I didn't want her to go thorugh all that trouble because of my silly mistake and asked that I look for it. I asked that she call me when I could go to the back of the plane and start looking through the garbage myself. I feel good that I didn't lose my braces and that I didn't blow up at her like I would've. I was very tired and cranky from all the traveling and of course I wouldn't want to go through garbage to look for someone's nasty retainers.
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